Simple Stances for the "Herod within Me"

Noticing that Herod lives within us is not a pleasant experience. It reminds us that we are capable of doing great harm in the world, and it disturbs our illusion that we are better, more enlightened, or more “advanced” than we truly are. In short, to see the Herod within ourselves is a reminder of our humanity, our feet of clay.

Most people want to banish the Herod within, or at least to fix the interior Herod. I don’t believe we can ever completely banish Herod from within us. We can, however, become more and more aware of Herod’s presence, and of the damage Herod inflicts on us and on the world. I offer these simple movements for dealing with the Herod within me.

What can I do about the Herod within me?

1. First, I simply acknowledge that Herod exists within me. I recognize there is a self-interested part of me that highly invested in my own good, rather than the good of others, the good of the world, or the good of God. This is not a condemnation, but an honest assessment of who I am.

2. Second, I bring the recognition that Herod exists with me into my daily living with more and more intention. For example, this afternoon when I notice that I am trying to control the behavior of my friend or family member, I simply notice what I’m doing. I name my behavior. I bring my own behavior and my inner motive to my awareness. Sometimes I’ll even whisper to myself, “This is what Jerry looks like when he is trying to control someone else,” or “This is what Jerry looks like when he feels threatened,” or “This is what Jerry looks like when he is fearful.”

3. Third, when I become aware of my Herod-behavior, I notice without judging it. I don’t tell myself how bad I am, what a failure I am, or what a poor Christian I am. I simply notice this part of me without judging. Judging doesn’t do anything constructive. Rather, judging myself brings along the baggage of guilt (I did something wrong) and shame (I am a bad person or a failure). Notice Herod without judging Herod.

4. Fourth, as best you can in the moment, let go of your desire to control the situation, to manipulate the other person, or to do violence to the situation. Let go. The feelings of power or control or threat may come back 3 seconds later. That’s fine. Let go again. Never stop letting go. Every time you feel threatened, every time you feel yourself resisting – even God – let go . . . let go . . . let go.

5. Finally, find a prayer or gesture that symbolizes “letting go” or helps you move through the moment without lashing out at yourself or others. For example, I’ll sometimes clench my fists tightly, then let them drop open as a sign of letting go. And I’ll repeat that movement several times. Or I’ll pray what is called the Freedom Prayer. “God, free me from the need to control this person.” Or, “God, free me from the insecurity I feel from this threat.” Or, “God, free me from the grip of this fear.” Repeat the Freedom Prayer as often as necessary.

Herod: Facing the Dragons Within

Ancient maps, I’ve heard, sometimes had inscriptions around the edges, just beyond the boundaries of the known world. “There be dragons”, written in the margins, were the words used to describe what was beyond the known world, in the realm of shadow or darkness, the places yet to be explored.

When I’ve heard that legend told as a preacher-story (a genre all its own, don’t you know?!?), it generally deals with having the courage to explore something in the outer world, or about taking risks in life, or about facing the dragons that are “out there.”

But I’m convinced that the legend can also speak to our interior life, our inner makeup. “There be dragons” points to the unexplored and unknown places within our own personhood which feel very dangerous to us. These are the aspects of what it means to be me or to be you that we don’t touch, we don’t become familiar with, because we are not sure what we will find there . . . or not sure if we will like what we find there.

A healthy, growing spiritual life – not to mention a healthy emotional life – explores beyond the edges of the inner map, discovers where the dragons reside, and faces them with courage and intention. In order to live soulfully in the world, we are invited to explore the fullness of what it means to be me and you, even if that means uncovering some things about ourselves that seem unsavory.

I am not proud of the Herod within me. My initial impulse toward this shadowy region in my inner life is to banish it . . . and failing banishment, to fix it. But I have lived long enough with my own shadows, my own Herods, to know that I will likely carry most of them until the moment of my death. They will be a part of the unique maze of what it means for me to be Jerry . . . and for you to be you.

A couple of experiences have informed me. In one, I sat in front of a wise Irish nun who had the patience to share her deep, deep connection to God with me over a period of many years. I lamented, on this particular day, these dark and shadowy parts of my personality that kept showing up when I least expected to see them. Some of them I dealt with in various ways – handing them over to God at the altar, burning pieces of paper that represented them, and so on . . . you get the drift – that my religious tradition commended and approved of. But always the behaviors, the emotional responses, the afflictive reactions came back . . . a week, a month, a year later.

As I lamented, this Sister gently asked, “And what would you like to do with these parts of yourself, Jerry?”

“I’d like to obliterate them,” I answered in all honesty.

“If you could obliterate them, what would be left of you then, Jerry?” And I immediately “got it.” These shadows – what I would call today “Herods” – were a part of what it meant for me to be Jerry. They weren’t the shiny, clean, perfect model that I thought my life was to be. They were ordinary and in some ways had no luster. But they were me.

The other experience came from a book by a Jesuit, writing about the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola. In a meditation on 2 Corinthians 12, the writer suggested that when the Apostle Paul prayed repeatedly that God would take away his “thorn in the flesh,” Paul was referring to a moral impairment rather than a physical issue. Paul wanted a character defect removed, a moral imperfection to be taken away, not a physical healing as has often been speculated.

The writer went on to say that Paul finally heard God say, “My grace is enough for you . . . for my power is strongest when you are weak” when he realized that he would probably go to his grave still carrying this particular moral defect.

In other words, Paul saw part of the Herod within himself, and after a long season of praying for its removal, finally embraced it and found God’s strength in that shadow-space where he was weak.

When I first read those words about 16 years ago, it was as if I had been liberated . . . from the anxious striving and diligent asceticism that I had hoped would straighten out my life. I realized again – as I had sitting with the Irish nun – that I would carry my own Herods for a long, long time. I simply needed to know they were there. I needed to be aware of them. (I’ll post some thoughts later this week on what to do with these Herods within us when we see them.) I needed to face my own dragons.


For Reflection:
How does the map image, with “There be dragons” written around the edges of the map, speak to you about your own interior landscape?

What inner dragons (or Herods) have you faced along your journey?

And what has been your own experience of reacting to the dragons – or to the Herods – that you discover within yourself? Can you imagine God saying to you, “My grace is enough for you . . . my power in you is strongest when you are weak”?

Herod: The Inner Landscape that Wreaks Havoc

You have to summon some courage if you dare to seek out and find the Herod within you, especially in light of the actual Herod’s horrendous actions. He was so threatened by the birth of a new “king” that he put to death all the male children of the region who would have been born around the time of Jesus’s birth, just to make sure he had no challenge to his throne. (Historians remind us that he also put to death many others during his rule, include several sons who Herod viewed as threats to his throne.)

While his actions are deplorable – and don’t parallel the extent to which most persons would go – they are driven by Herod’s interior state, by his inner landscape. And it is Herod’s interior state that we’ll likely find not all that different from our own.

These are a few words I’ve used to describe Herod, not to reduce him, but in order to help me find where he lives within me:

threatened
fearful
insecure
privileged
powerful
in control (of himself and his world)
scared
managing (situations, taking them into his own hands)
scheming
manipulative
unsatisfied
ego-threatened
maintaining (his own kingdom)
small (but wants to be big)

Once I name some of the qualities that drove Herod, I can easily find him within me, because these states also describe my life on a regular basis.

I’m very familiar with having my position or my status threatened . . .

I can be consumed by fear, whether that fear relates to my health, to my job, or to a national election . . .

I control and manipulate those around me, including those closest to me, in order to arrange my world the way I think it should be . . .

I try to move heaven and earth to maintain what I have, even if it means someone else has less . . .

I often strive to be big when I feel dissatisfied with being small . . .

I can scheme and plot my own self-interest to the detriment and harm of those in the world, perhaps not to the extent of Herod; nonetheless, I can do actual damage in my world, and even be oblivious to the harm I perpetuate.

The words I listed above are dividing words. They separate. They set us against others. For example, I realize that when I feel threatened or fearful, anger usually lives just beneath the surface of my consciousness. I respond sharply, even profanely, to those who stumble unknowingly across my emotional landmines. Love and mercy become distant, unreachable goals. Retribution and hatred follow my anger.

And I realize in those moments that I don’t have to take a life literally – as Herod did – in order to do major harm to others.


For Reflection:

Look at the list of words above again. With which of the words do you seem to be most familiar? If you notice 3 or 4 words that describe your interior from time to time, take them out one word at a time. For each one, spend a few moments thinking about times in recent days when you have experienced that word.

As that way of being was living and active within you, what did it feel like to be you?

Were there particular behaviors that arose . . . an argument with someone else, an angry rant whispered under your breath, or a physical reaction?

As you explore these things, do so without judgement; rather, the goal is to notice and become more aware of what lives within you, not to condemn yourself over it.

Herod: Am I Big Enough to Stand Down God?

Matthew 2:1 – 18

After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem 2 and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.”

3 When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. 4 When he had called together all the people’s chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Messiah was to be born. 5 “In Bethlehem in Judea,” they replied . . .

7 Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. 8 He sent them to Bethlehem and said, “Go and search carefully for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him.”

9 After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen when it rose went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. 10 When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. 11 On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. 12 And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route.

13 When they had gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. “Get up,” he said, “take the child and his mother and escape to Egypt. Stay there until I tell you, for Herod is going to search for the child to kill him.”

14 So he got up, took the child and his mother during the night and left for Egypt, 15 where he stayed until the death of Herod.

16 When Herod realized that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had learned from the Magi. 17 Then what was said through the prophet Jeremiah was fulfilled:
18 “A voice is heard in Ramah,
weeping and great mourning,
Rachel weeping for her children
and refusing to be comforted,
because they are no more.”


Last week, I invited you to give attention to the Magi in the Birth narrative. We explored the Magi, not to analyze them or scrutinize them, but to see if there might be some way in which the spirit of the Magi also lives in us.

This week, we’ll use the same text from Matthew 2, this time to consider Herod. At first glance, you may read the Herod portions of the narrative and be repulsed. This is an odd narrative to include in the narrative surrounding the birth of Jesus, and usually is omitted from contemporary celebrations of Christmas. But it is an essential part of the story, with a very “real-world,” earthy feel to it that makes the rest of the birth narrative all the more remarkable.

Herod the Great is an insecure, defensive ruler who is so threatened at the announcement of a newborn “king” that he determines to kill the child. Then, when the Magi are warned in a dream to avoid Herod, he kills all the children around Bethlehem who would be the approximate age of the child-king. It is a ruthless, extreme story.

“Herod” was the family name of a line of rulers. Herod the Great is the “king” who represents the Roman Empire, the occupational forces. In the birth narratives, he symbolizes the structures and powers-that-be which oppose the work of God in the world. He represents the structures of the world that are ordered around power and control, deceit and manipulation, that stand against the kingdom of God (which is the God-project for the world, the God-structure of everything created, the “Disk Operating System” of all creation).

In short, Herod the Great resists God’s work. He sits on his throne as king, wanting to be the sole ruler in his world, threatened by any other claim to power and authority – even God’s claim to power. He is so threatened, so constellated around himself and his own personal kingdom, that he will banish and even kill anything that threatens his personal kingdom. Herod really does believe that he is big enough to stand down God, that he has enough stature to order his life-world is a way that benefits him, and only him.

I believe Herod lives in some way in each of us. Perhaps not the extreme to which Herod was a despotic, psychotic, ego-driven ruler who routinely killed those who were a threat to him . . . but if you look at what underlies Herod’s behavior, I think we’ll find some traits that are consistent with our own humanity.

The Herod-corner of our lives is that place where we quietly, perhaps secretly, create our own personal throne on which to sit so that we can govern life, control not only our own destinies, but seek to control others as well. From this personal throne, the Herod-part of us will resort to most any means to maintain our autonomy.

Further, the Herod within us resists letting go, because to surrender self to another, even to God, would mean to be out of control, to lose control over life. The Herod within us wants to govern everything, wants to control everyone, wants to shape life in a way that is pleasant and beneficial to the self. Indeed, Herod represents all the ways, both consciously and subconsciously, we try to manipulate our world, our environment, our relationships, toward our own favor and for our own benefit.

For Reflection:
Read the text from Matthew 2 again. What words, phrases, or images stand out for you? Write them down in your journal or on a page. They bring them into conversation with God. Allow God to speak to you through what you are hearing in the scripture.